Thursday, March 17, 2016

Long Time Coming



                Lately I’ve felt the need for a change. I recently started a second job and the madness of having two jobs that take up all your time during the week and your children’s extracurricular activities taking up the rest is starting to get to me. I’ve felt more tired than I have in a long time. Yesterday was my birthday (hold your applause) and so I don’t know if my age is catching up to me or if I’m really not that happy with my current situation.
                This last 12 months has been quite difficult for my family. We’ve had a bankruptcy, endless collection calls, missed and late bill payments, 2 shoplifting experiences, court dates, community service, sexual escapades, I could go on. These along with now working 60 hours a week or more to make ends meet is hard. There is no better word for it. I used to use this blog as a forum to express my deepest thoughts and opinions. I just don’t care that much anymore. I’ve become more jaded than ever before. I’ve steeled myself against my job, politics, anything that may have consequence in my life. I miss those old days where I could just pick a topic and ramble on ad nauseum. I don’t know if I can muster that much thought to put into something so inane anymore. And I hate that.
                I don’t want to just be a downer when writing here because there is hope. At least I think there is. I’ve been looking for a new job that I can find meaning in. Somewhere that I can be appreciated, looked to as an equal in the position and not just some inconvenient dinosaur that won’t go away. Some incessant alarm that won’t shut off and is constantly reminding everyone that I’m still here. Maybe this can be a return to my former self when I had more hope. When my future held more promise than it does now. I was still in school and I looked at the world as having a multitude of possibilities. I’ve been in this rut so long all I can see are the sides and the sky. I can’t see what’s around me anymore.

                So keep your fingers crossed for me that I can find something that will help define me. Or better yet something that I can define. 

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Thanksgiving

Every year at this time we as Americans gather with friends and family to give thanks for everything and anything that we can think of. Personally Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday just because it doesn't descriminate. Anyone can celebrate regardless of their beliefs, religion, race, etc. But one thing that needs to be addressed is what are you thankful for? This year I'm trying really hard to not be bitter or have any hard feelings regarding anything. So what are you thankful for? Family? Friends? Jobs? Country? I really don't know what I'll say this year but I hope I can think of something that is worth being thankful for.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Friendship

How many people do we touch throughout our lives? We've all seen "It's a Wonderful Life." We have seen the consequences of wishing we were never born. But I wonder if they were to make a movie of me how many people would be there to be interviewed? I like to think that I had at least an average number of friends growing up. I don't think I was ever the outcast but I don't think I was mister popular either. I had some really good friends and I had some casual acquaintaces.
Growing up I never had what you could call a confidant. I don't really remember being able to share deep dark secrets with anyone. Then again I don't remember having any deep dark secrets. My friends and I did a lot together. We played ball, rode bikes, built forts, what every kid did. We played video games and stayed up all night watching MTV (back when it was videos). We talked about girls, mountain bikes, the NBA. I had a good childhood.
When I got older, mostly after high school started, some of my old friends drifted away. We just didn't click in the same way that we once did. I think it was different sports that took us in different directions. That and girls. I started getting girlfriends, they started snow boarding. But I gained new friends in high school. I had more friends in high school then ever before. The friends that I had then weren't the same though. We hung out at school and we went to dances as big groups but we never hung around together outside of that. I rarely went over to their houses and they never came over to mine. I was busier then. I had school, a lot of honors classes and I had to work or lose my car. I had big plans so I couldn't change school and I needed my freedom so not working was out of the question.
After high school we all went in seperate directions. I got married, some of my friends travelled, some went on missions, while others went off to college somewhere not Utah. It wasn't until my 5 year reunion that I reconnected with a good friend from high school and we still are in contact today. My adult friends are the smallest group of friends yet but I think that some of them will be friends for life.
If they ever make a movie about me they will interview my family. My mom and dad will say nice things about me like I was a really smart kid and always had lofty goals. My older sisters (not older than me just older than the youngest one) will recount all the times I teased them by taking the heads off of their Barbies or whatever they come up with. My youngest sister will say how we were buddies and attribute her love of video games to me because that was something we connected with. Hopefully my in-laws will have nice things to say about me. I like to think that I've been perfectly pleasant to all of them. I really do enjoy having them as my in-laws. I couldn't ask for a better group. But I will be most interested to see what my friends will say about me. I think they saw me for who I truly was. I never hid anything from them. They saw me at my darkest and brightest. We argued and disagreed and sometimes even came to blows. But that never stopped us from being friends for long. I miss a lot of my old friends and wish we could reconnect at some point. Family loves you because they have to. They're stuck with you. Friends love you because they want to. They choose to.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Left Behind

I've often wondered what my life would be like if my family was taken away from me. Call it morbid curiosity but that's just the way I think. Maybe I'm subconsciously preparing for the day if it were to ever come. It is a huge comfort to know that someday we will be a family again. I don't want to discount that. But how hard would it be to have to watch those left behind to struggle with finances, to deal with their grief, to try and carry on with their lives. This happens on a daily basis. People who go out the door in the morning and never come back. Sure it's hard to imagine, most of us probably think it would never happen to us. I've always thought that people who died "before their time" would somehow know. That they would have some inkling in the back of their mind that they would live a full life. That could just be my paranoia because I've had feelings like that before. There have been times where, when thinking about my future, I would get this feeling that I wouldn't have to worry about it. That something would happen to take care of it. I don't have any rich family so it's not an inheritance that I'm going to be getting. My future is still up in the air. With bills and student loans I don't know when I'll graduate. Maybe that's what my feelings are all about, that I should just work a menial job all my life instead of doing what really makes me happy or keeps me interested. Or maybe I will die early and all this paranoid thinking about inklings is really true.
I don't need to sit here and talk about how devastated I'd be if I lost my family, even one member of my family. But how would I feel knowing I left them here to fend for themselves?
I make Cheryl nervous because of the things that I like doing. Mountain biking, motorcycles, etc. are all dangerous and could get me seriously hurt of killed. I've always had the thinking that living life safe is not living life. I'm not saying to take unnecessary risks but I think everyone should experience the freedom of riding a motorcycle. And not a small motorcycle that can only do 35 mph. Get out on the freeway and gun it up to 90 and see how you feel. The rush and adrenaline are amazing and addictive. I wager that it is nigh impossible to feel bad while riding a motorcycle. It should be prescribed to depressed people. I've only driven 2 motorcycles and 2 scooters in my life but that's all the experience I needed. I'm sold.
You know that pain you get in the front of your head when your kids call you at work to tell you that they're hitting each other? Gone when you get on a motorcycle.
Yes I understand the risks associated with a motorcycle. As my dad likes to remind me it's not if you get hit it's when. My aunt and uncle were in a accident riding their Harley and my aunt almost lost her foot. She'll have problems the rest of her life. 4,376 people were killed on motorcycles in 2010. That may seem high but in that same time 32,708 people were killed in car accidents. 65% of all deaths not caused by natural causes happen in the home. I'll take my chances. I'll live without fear. I won't worry about those I may leave behind because I know they'll be taken care of. I've made sure of that. They will probably be better off financially then when I'm alive. I really am worth more dead than alive. Ouch.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I don't feel fulfilled.

I am once again having some issues with my Sunday religious activities. I don't know why but I am starting to feel really disenfranchised with the whole Sunday school thing. Here's what I mean: when sitting in said class I want to have a discussion. Not about what you did at girl's camp, scout camp, or how you were driving along and the spirit told you to turn before you normally do and you found out later that you missed a car accident. Good for you. I want to discuss the more philosophical points that religion brings up. I have been a member my whole life. I get bored hearing the same lessons over and over because the teachers are too lazy to come up with a new and creative way to teach a topic. I'm not saying I know everything there is to know about the LDS church, what I am saying is I keep hearing the same lessons week after week and that stereotypical seminary answer of read your scriptures and pray seems to apply to a lot of the questions that are asked. Last week in elders quorum the subject of speaking out against legislation that we find morally wrong came up. That's fine, whatever. My problem with that is we want to legislate morals. The only way to do that is to tread on the rights of others. Abortion, gay marriage, foreign wars, health care reform, just pick a hot button issue, no matter what the laws are you are going to infringe on others beliefs. So how do we fix this? We give everyone the choice to choose what they believe to be right. That's where I want the discussion in church to come in. We can do what we believe at that point but to take away that choice I have a problem with. 11th article of faith: "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may." This is one of our fundamental beliefs. And no one thought to mention it. I have a history of ticking people off when I bring my opinions and thoughts to a religious discussion so I keep quiet in church. Maybe I should speak up. That could be interesting.
But this is more what I think Sunday school should be, a debate of what the scriptures mean, what the idea of a higher being means, what is morally right, what are the ramifications of our actions not just to ourselves but those around us. Those are things the elders of the church when it was formed would discuss. Not because they were trying to form a religion based on the thoughts of man but because they were trying to understand what had been put on their shoulders as priesthood holders. Any religion requires more than the ability to read the scripture. It needs to be interpreted by people who are educated in history, philosophy, ancient customs and traditions. Anyone who's read the Bible knows that it is a very difficult book to read. It is very easy to misinterpret what is written. Having the knowledge that the Bible was translated over and over and things were left out and other things added, plus they were written down from oral records that were already a hundred years old or more when they were written down, and the fact that they come from societies that are vastly different from ours makes it a little easier to understand why this knowledge needs to be possessed by those who are teaching it. We have to have that understanding or else we are just making it up as we go.
We have an advantage having a living prophet who is there for us to learn from. I am grateful that we have the teachings of the prophets books that are used as manuals. But with those it comes down to presentation. Let's have a little excitement people. Let's present something that we've actually put some time and effort into, something that you learned from the lesson. It's not that hard.
Maybe I'm asking too much. Let me simplify this. I want a discussion about not just the lesson but I want it to go in a more academic direction, if that makes sense. And I want it presented in a way that you keep my attention. If you don't keep my attention I'm going to be reading my comic books in church instead of listening to you drone on about how He sacrificed for our sins and loves us all and you need to repent to live in heaven again and you should love your family and remember to keep Christ in your heart at all times and go to the temple to receive blessings and pay your tithing and do your home and visiting teaching and love one another etc. etc. ad nauseum. Please give me something I can grasp onto. I'm at the point where I might just stop going to classes because I really don't get anything from them.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Something about church that bugs me

This is going to be short and sweet. Last week in church we had a discussion about how to keep our families safe from outside influences. It turned into political activism where everything we deemed evil and inappropriate should be banned. Instead of outing myself as the LEEBRAL that I am I wrote this down in my phone.
Even though we have all these things going on in the world that we may not agree with we can't loose focus on protecting our families in favor of protecting our community. Is our community important and worth protecting? Yes. Is it worth protecting at the cost of our families? Of course not. We must understand that we can't control everything that happens in our world, country, state, community, but we can control what comes into our homes. We need to focus on our families first. We need to make sure our children can deal with the outside world before we can have any affect on what goes on outside of our house. as long As we are teaching our kids righteous principles and raising a righteous generation the outside world will take care of itself.
We can't legislate morality. It will continue to happen no matter what laws are passed and what things get blocked. In countries where morality is legislated we've seen the results. Pick any country in the middle east and you'll see what I'm talking about. Once you start legislating morality everyone's choices become limited by the moral beliefs of the people on charge. We need to maintain our free will. That can't be taken away through law nor should it be.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

rebirth

This time of year comes around and everyone gets the urge to make new years resolutions. Why do we do this? What compels us each year to make goals that we know we most likely won't keep? They're goals that are supposed to make us better in some way; make us thinner, stronger, quit smoking, eat better, to be better people all around. But why do we wait until the new year to do it? What is it about this time of year?

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” That's a quote from, of all people, Oprah. What does New Years mean to you? Is it a chance to get it right, or is it a new beginning? I know that people like to see the new year as a signal for change. Out with the old and in with the new. "An optimist will stay up until midnight to see the new year come in. A pessimist will stay up to make sure the old year leaves."

Here is a different way of thinking about it: "We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day." So there are some arguments. But what about the notion of rebirth, the idea that we can become new again? There is talk of rebirth in religion. All men should be reborn in the spirit of Christ. That means our eyes are open to suggestion from the spirit and we are more willing to do what is right and what is needed. At least that's how I perceived it. But what about a rebirth in general? "All souls must undergo transmigration and the souls of men revolve like a stone which is thrown from a sling, so many turns before the final release... Only those who have not completed their perfection must suffer the wheel of "rebirth" by being reborn into another human body.” Does that mean literally born into another body? Not necessarily. It could depending on your religious views but I'm going to use it this way; being born into another human body just means that your rebirth hasn't really occurred. You're still the same, a human. You haven't changed into an enlightened being yet. We go around on our wheels and we keep doing the same things. We make the same mistakes, the same choices, we do the same things that we believe are the safe choices. So every year we make resolutions and goals at the new year. Sometimes we are successful but most times we aren't for whatever reason.

"It quite often happens that the old man is subject to the delusion of a great moral renewal and "rebirth", and from this experience he passes judgments on the work and course of his life, as if he had only now become clear-sighted; and yet the inspiration behind this feeling of well-being and these confident judgements is not wisdom, but weariness .”

How true that is. We set goals on how tired we are of something. I'm tired of being fat, I'm tired of being sick all the time, I'm tired of my stressful job. What if we set goals to gain more of the things we love? Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.
So let's put this together. Why do we make new years resolutions? Because it is a new year, out with the old and in with the new. What kind of resolutions should we make? The kind that make us better but also brings us more joy than the previous year.

And rebirth? Well, that can happen anytime of the year. If we see ourselves going the wrong direction we can change direction and choose another path. We can be reborn as many times as we see fit. That's the beauty of it.

"Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn."

— Mahatma Gandhi

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

GMOs, OH MY!



Genetically modified organisms are becoming more prevalent in our society. There are a plethora of companies now that are breaking into the business in one form or another. They can now modify plants, animals, and bacteria and viruses to help humans with research, creating medicines more easily, and producing food with greater yields and are more resistant to bugs. There are many benefits with the modified organisms and there are many controversies that have come up. Basically there are a lot of people out there that aren’t sold on the benefits of these organisms and the businesses involved aren’t putting enough into the research of long term effects to put those fears to rest. Aside from all of that there are financial reasons to be for or against genetically modified organisms. Some companies control huge portions of the market and can thus dictate how it is used. Also, there are a lot of governments from around the world involved. Government intervention can make or break this industry. So what is a genetically modified organism?


A genetically modified organism is a plant, animal, and bacteria or a virus that has been modified using DNA modification or “an organism whose genetic material has been altered using techniques in genetics generally known as recombinant DNA technology. Recombinant DNA technology is the ability to combine DNA molecules from different sources into the one molecule in a test tube. Thus, the abilities or the phenotype of the organism, or the proteins it produces, can be modified through the modification of its genes” (Wikipedia). There are a couple ways that they do this: They can attach a gene to a cell using a virus, physically insert the gene into the nucleus with a very small needle, or by using a gene gun which fires very small particles. The reason that they do this is to introduce into an organism positive traits that can help make that organism more useful to humans. The most commonly modified organism is crop plants. They modify it by making it pest resistant and also to have higher yields. They can also have them produce vitamins and nutrients not natural to that crop making them healthier. Other organisms have been modified to produce medicines such as insulin and Atryn, an anticoagulant. These are just a few of the many benefits that modified organisms can provide.

Here is a short list of pros of genetically modified organisms: Production of human insulin, use in gene therapy, creation of neo-organs, and usage in agriculture. For the production of insulin human cells are transplanted into another mammal such as a goat which acts as a medium for the human genes. The cells produce the insulin in the medium and are then the insulin is extracted and given to patients with diabetes. With gene therapy, modified viruses are used to treat genetic disorders like sickle cell anemia, muscular dystrophy, and cystic fibrosis. Neo-organs are perhaps one of the most important benefits. Organs for transplant are hard to come by. With the help of genetic engineering new organs could be grown for transplant from the cells of the patient so that no rejection occurs. This leads to safer transplant procedures. In agriculture some of the benefits have already been touched upon; greater yield, more nutritious, and pest resistance to name a few. With these benefits there are also some potential risks associated with this technology.

Some risks include: Harmful effects on crops, GM animals, Unnatural methods being used, risk of misuse, disruption of natural genetic information, and preliminary stage of research. The harmful effects on crops include the fact that all the crops have the same genetic makeup. If a strain of bacteria is especially harmful to one it is harmful to all of them. There is no genetic variety to protect the plants. With GM animals there are other problems that could be present. Animals are used to produce proteins, medications, and human organs. The animals could be cloned and if anything goes wrong they could be born with deformities and not live very long. Plus, there is the threat that if a pig is carrying a disease and the heart is used as a transplant, the disease could be transferred to humans. Genetic modification is not natural and some would argue that by going around the natural reproduction methods more problems could arise. And last of all genetic modification is still in its infant stage of testing. We are still finding out how it all works so we can’t be sure of what the long term effects will be. But what about the economic impact that these organisms can have on countries?

In 2009, of the 14 million farmers growing GMOs, 90% were resource poor farmers in developing countries: 7 million in China, 5.6 million in India, and 250,000 in the Philippines, South Africa, and 12 other countries. The global worth of biotech crops in 2008 was estimated to be $130 billion (Wikipedia). So where do these crops come from? There are a few firms around the world with ties to the industry but the largest of them is Monsanto. In 2007, Monsanto's trait technologies were planted on 246 million acres throughout the world. Why is Monsanto holding the largest portion a problem? Well they have patents on the seeds that they sell. To control that patent they have developed “Technology Protection.” There are two forms of this: One is the “Terminator” which means that the crops yield sterile seeds, and two is “Traitor” which requires the farmer to spray a chemical activator on the seeds to activate the genetically modified traits. These protectors will require the farmers to pay yearly to have the privilege of growing these crops. With farmers already under burdens such as shrinking land space and growing populations to feed paying to grow these plants on a yearly basis could become quite costly. It might also make these crops unattainable to the small farmers in under developed countries. On the other side of the spectrum it could be a boon for farmers because the extra cost of having to pay yearly for the modified seeds could be offset; they could cut down on the land needed to grow the same amount plus the money saved on pesticides and weed killer because those traits are engineered into the crops. There are definitely some economic risks and rewards associated with it but all of it could be for naught if world governments and activists have anything to say about it.

As of 2007 the US, Canada, Argentina, and Brazil accounted for 94% of all GMO plantings (Council on foreign relations). The European Union accounts for 1% of all GMO corn grown in the world. Japan has no GMO products grown in the country and consumers continue to resist importation of GMOs. A bylaw was passed making it almost impossible to grow GMOs in Japan. The Consumers Union of Japan participated in the Planet Diversity Conference in Bonn Germany where Kokestu Michiyo was quoted,” We don’t only need networks between people, but between people and plants, and people and planet earth.” In New Zealand no GMOs are grown and no medicines containing live GMOs are allowed. The list goes on. These governments at the behest of their citizens have cried aloud that they don’t want these GMO products in their countries whether that is due to the fear of the unknown, the lack of understanding of what a GMO is and what it can do, or if it is for economic or environmental reasons they are currently against using this technology in most all of its forms.

There are many benefits both economically and for the general welfare of the citizenry that could persuade governments and farmers to use these genetically modified organisms. But if the technology is embraced to quickly without the proper studies and test performed there could be damaging consequences in the future. It is such a new technology that we just can’t know what may lie ahead. Some issues that need to be addressed are what effect will this have on bio-diversity? Will the benefits of having a pest resistant crop outweigh the possibility of producing more resistant pests? Are we really better off doing it this way than the old traditional ways? For now the technology is pushing forward with more acceptance gained worldwide everyday. The fact of the matter is we are seeing benefits and we are reaping rewards for our technological ingenuity.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Humans Being

It's been a couple months but here is my newest post. I decided to flex some linguistic muscles with this post and rather than raise some ethical questions or spark political debate I decided to explore something more abstract. Here is the question for your pondering pleasure: What makes us human?
I want to get down to this question and start by saying or rather asking is being born a human enough to make us human or is it something greater? There are two black and white categories here that need to be dealt with: first is human and second is inhuman. What separates the two? Where is the line drawn? Let me give you an example. Throughout human history there have been heroes and villains; Hitler, Stalin, Vlad, etc. These I would consider inhuman. The acts they oversaw were despicable to say the least. What human being could have carried out such heinous crimes is beyond me. That is why I will put them in that category. But that is easy, anyone would agree with me. Now where do we put criminals? Rapists? Murderers? Thieves? Druggies? Where is the line. It becomes less black and white and now has shades of grey. So you can't base it solely on what they do.
Let's shift gears a little and look at our society. If you look at it from a conservative point of view you have producers or capitalists and you have moochers and leeches. You have one group that is creating jobs and opportunities and the other side living off of the government and the goodwill of the people. Which of these groups would be considered human? How about if I rephrase and say which group is humans being and which are humans existing? If you contribute to society in a positive way does that make you more human? Does making a lot of money and controlling the wealth of a society make you less human? There is still something more to it.
The question of what makes us human is not a simple one as you can see. So at what point do people start pointing to God and all things spiritual for the answer? Before I do that let's play pretend. Let's assume there is no God and there is no all powerful being of any sort moving destiny and creating the situations that we find ourselves in. Where does our humanness come from? Is it something we are born with, something inherent in our species that sets us apart from all other life forms on Earth? If aliens were to visit would they be able to distinguish us from apes? This could happen if they had a small group of which to observe. After all our DNA differs from apes by such a small margin, something like 2%. Let's say they observe a tribe in Africa. I'm not saying they are animals, savages, or uncivilized in any way. I'm just saying that the lifestyle that they lead is very simple and to an outsider it could be construed that they are indistinguishable from some animals. Is there something that sets them apart to an outsider? Is there a humanness about them and is it visible from the outside?
Back to God. I know there are people that will argue that what makes us human is our spirit, our soul. Is that what makes us human? Did Hitler and those others have a spirit or soul and didn't that make them human? Is being human a question of good or bad? And if it isn't then what is the difference between human and inhuman?
I don't want to hear replies saying that this is a much deeper topic than I have put down here. I understand that. Philosophers have written libraries worth on the subject. And I don't expect to answer the question here on my humble little blog.
My sister had a baby last night. Little Mollie. I wonder if right now she has all the attributes that will make her human or if she will earn them through her life. To be human isn't about right or wrong. Everyone is human and because of that they all have human actions. It is their actions that we can attribute human versus inhuman. It is their character that can be judged. Simply existing cannot be either good or evil and so humans existing can't be good or evil. No child is born bad. They are born with potential. It's like Mahjong; as you clear away tiles you lose the ability to do some moves while gaining the ability to do other moves. If you have gain more moves than you lose you will ultimately clear the board. That is our goal in life. To act human we must work toward clearing the board. Hopefully we will and if we don't let's try to keep the tiles left on the board to a minimum.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Immigrants

Okay people let's get some things straight. 2 women from a gevernment office in Salt Lake County released a list of 1300 or so names of supposed illegal immigrants. Releasing the list is a felony. They should not only be fired but they should be put in jail. The reason that list exists is because the state of Utah keeps track of the illegals because they issue driving priviledge cards to them. Think about that for a second. Utah knows about the illegals living here in this state. It's not really a secret to the people who need to know. By releasing this list there are a few privacy issues that were ignored. How about addresses? Do we really need crazy immigration people finding these people and harrassing them? How about their children who may or may not be legal citizens of this country? So all you people who are saying these women are patriots and heros and should be protected whistle blowers, you're wrong. They are criminals. The crime they commited was worse than someone who is living here illegaly. Let me repeat that so that it sinks in all nice and warm in your mind. The crime they commited was worse than someone who is living here illegaly. That's right. They commited a felony. Living here illegaly is the same as having a speeding ticket. It's not a big deal. It becomes a big deal when a crime is commited that is serious enough for them to be deported. Yes it must be serious enough. Our prisons are not filled to bursting with illegals. In fact they're filled with people who have been caught with marijuana or other drugs. That's whose filling up our prisons. And before you say it's the illegals that are bringing the drugs over the border think again. Most drugs are made and distributed right here in the good ol' USA.
If you want to stop people from coming here illegaly there are a couple things that must be done. First you need to enforce the laws in place that punish the companies that are hiring the illegals. It is way to easy for companies to hire illegals and pay them whatever pitence they want. They don't have to give them benefits or time off. If they call in sick they can just fire them. The companies can treat them like dirt and they have no recourse to get fair employment. Second you need to make it easier to come here and become a citizen. Not that everyone that comes here wants to be a citizen. Some just want to come here and work and then go home. That needs to be easier also. Last I heard there was a 17 year waiting list to become a citizen legally. It takes less time if they are here already. Makes sense doesn't it? No, of course it doesn't. Let's stream line it. Make it easier for them to come here and live, become a citizen, or work and go home. What does that hurt. You worried about terrorits? The 9/11 highjackers were legal citizens of the US. You think they would risk getting caught crossing the border? They're smarter than that. Drugs? Made and distributed here. Crime? Most illegals keep a low profile for fear of getting caught and sent home. There are very few crimes commited by illegals.
We don't need to build a fence to keep them out. It won't work anyway. We need to punish the companies hiring illegals and we need to make it easier to come here.
And one last thing. What is up with all the hate? I have heard way too many tales lately of people insulting hispanics whether they are legal or not just because they speak spanish or have dark skin. Come on! You're racist and that's all there is too it.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Oh I wish I may...

I'm curious; If you were to get three wishes what would you wish for? I don't want to hear about I want world peace or I would end world hunger, blah blah blah. We all know these "PC" answers that every beauty pageant queen would give. I want to know what you'd really ask for. And I don't care if it's even a little bit skeevy like I would wish to be invisible so that I could sneak into the women's showers at the gym. I know there are people out there like that so let's hear it. I know what I would wish for so give me your best list.
There are a lot of things that I would wish for given the chance. I would love to be rich, smart, not so much famous but popular among my group of friends. I never liked the idea of being famous. I would much rather be rich and have no one know who I am. You get to enjoy your money more that way. Smart because I would want to be able to just have fun with my life. I don't want to have to go to school anymore unless it was to share my knowledge. I think it would be fun to teach a highly specialized class on a subject that I felt passionate and knew a lot about. It could be interesting. I could generate genuine conversation, something I try to do with my blog.
So if I wish to be rich and I wish to be smart what else in the world is there that I wouldn't be able to attain? Love? Got it. Family? Got it. Friends? Got it. The ability to perform true magic as seen in Harry Potter? Don't got it. That would be my third wish. It always bugs me that when someone is given the chance to have three wishes they never wish to become magic themselves so that they could just conjure anything they want whenever they want. I could fly, become invisible, be super strong, leap tall buildings in a single bound, etc. What more would there be really?
Another cool thought would to wish that your favorite TV show or movie was real and that you could live in that universe. Yea, I'm going to get a little geeky now. What if you could fly around space on the Enterprise or train to become a Jedi but for realsees? How cool would that be? And it doesn't even have to be sci-fi.
Whatever you want could just be. Live out your wildest fantasies, your dreams, your greatest desires. Everyone has three wishes they would love to have granted. Sit and think about it for about 5 seconds and I'm sure you will come up with a whole lot more than 3. Have fun and remember, I want to hear about your wishes so post replies.

Thanks for reading.

Monday, June 7, 2010

History and Bikes

So how's this for a post: I haven't found any pictures or come up with a title for this one yet. I thought I would just write and when I'm done I'll pull the meaning out and fill the rest with pictures and a title that fit. Haven't done it that way before.
So here I am sitting at work loading images into Photoshop so that I can edit them. Sounds fun, huh? Well to some I know it does sound fun because they took photo classes and know what they're doing. To others it may sound tedious and boring. To me, well...it's both and here's why: while I do enjoy working on photoshop with pictures that I've taken it can get tedious when everything you do is mapped to a hotkey. All I have to do is press one button and all the functions are done. I just have to save it and move on to the next image. And the images I'm working with are just typed pages. Nothing interesting in the slightest. My employees however get to work with some really cool old negatives. They are working on a collection of nitrate film that has started to degrade so we have to scan them and get them all digitized so that we can preserve the history of what's on those negatives. Those pictures are really cool to look at. Here's an example of what we are doing with them:
These pictures were damaged to a point that you wouldn't be able to see what was on the negative because the emulsion is so damaged. We scan them and then we have to play with settings and techniques in Photoshop until we come to an image that we can see. We literally pull the image out of the muck and this is what we end up with. Pretty cool I think. It amazes me how much can be pulled out of some of these. You look at them and think no way is there an image in that mess but once you scan it and see it, it's very cool. And the pictures themselves are pretty cool too. I love history, I always have. I have favorite time periods that I would love to visit just to see what it would be like. A lot of them have to do with war so I wouldn't want to stay long but still I would love to see things take place. I would love to see a Roman army form ranks and attack an unorganized horde of barbarians. I would love to see and hear the battles of the civil war where passion was king. Where it was brother vs. brother and family vs. family. I can't even imagine what that would have been like. And it all hinged on where you were from. You fought for what you believed, right or wrong. Some of those wounds still haven't been healed. I love the 1920's with all the flash and flair and pomp and circumstance that went on then. The parties, the extravagance, the overindulgence that comes from a great economy. Then of course you have the crash in december 1929. I wouldn't mind seeing that. I've thought about doing a photography project where I take pictures to look like they were from that time period. touch them up and tear them down in Photoshop to make them look desperate, desolate, disconsulate. I would love to do that. Recently I took some modern photos of a temple in Cambodia and used Photoshop to make them look like they were taken back in the early 20th century by explorers. I love it because they look like something out of Indiana Jones now. So that's something.
The weather has now turned warm. To all of you who have been whining about how cold it was and that it was snowing in May, Bite me! I miss the cool weather. I love waking up to 50-60 degree mornings and having the temperature not go above 75. Now it's going to get too hot and it will be uncomfortable. That just sucks. I can't wait for fall. Yes, already. I don't like hot weather. I like warm weather but not hot weather. It makes me feel sick to be in the heat for too long. I know, I'm weird. But one good thing comes from summer weather:
getting my butt off the couch and in the mountains to ride my bike, my baby. I have missed you. And, thanks to Chauntay, I have a biking buddy. She loves it about as much as I do. I've found some new trails to ride that I'm really excited to try out. Some new early season rides that are out on the mountain face where the snow will melt quickly. Can't wait to take Chaunie out and have some fun. Planning on Friday. Hopefully my knee feels better by then. Really wish I knew what happened there because I don't feel old enough to have bad knees like that. See ya in the mounatins.
Thanks for reading.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Slaughter of the Innocents

I know the title is kind of off-putting but I will make my point and you'll see why it's appropriate. I am growing continuously tired of the stories about small children being abused and killed. These kids are killed and abused by people they trust and love. Mothers, fathers, and step versions of them as well as close family friends and aunts, uncles and cousins have all been to blame for these heinous crimes. What's been bothering me is the story of Ethan Stacy. There really isn't anything about the story that is unusual for a crime like this. The problem I have is that when I heard the circumstances with his father in another state and the court forcing him to send his son here to visit his mother it made me sick. I immediately put myself in the father's shoes and wondered what I would do in that situation. How would you react to that? How would your world change with that phone call? I can't even imagine. I have said before that if anyone did anything to one of my kids I couldn't be held responsible for what I end up doing to that person. My kids are too precious to me to let something like that stand. I don't know what I'd do because I don't plan on these things happening. I just know that at least in my mind and hopefully in the minds of some of my readers justice would be served. I have the same feelings about kidnappers, child abusers, anyone who commits crimes against children. They should be removed from society and probably never returned. Now I'm not talking about 19 or 20 year olds having sex with a 16 year old or anything like that. That should fall under a different category. Yes they are all crimes against children but the crimes I'm talking about have zero consent. a 16 year old can say yes to sex with a 19 or 20 year old but a 4 year old can't say yes or no to their step mom that wants to abuse them in anyway. The people I want to see removed are the ones who kidnap small children, rape them, abuse them, kill them, and bury their bodies with little to no remorse. People who loose control with a baby that's crying and decides the only way to get them to be quiet is to throw them against a wall. You see what I'm saying. These are all physical abuses. There are also mental abuses that are just as damaging to a child. How about a child who is told everyday that he isn't wanted, that he was a mistake? How is that going to affect them the rest of their life? I want them removed from society and possibly the world. I'll be the one to pull the trigger if I have to. These are crimes against the most innocent of society. It's not right in any circumstance.
Now everyone can agree that this is a terrible offense and the title applies without question. The second part of my post will take some explaining. The Texas Board of Education is voting on changes to textbooks, specifically history books. Well, let's look at some of the changes they are making. They would like to minimize the role that Thomas Jefferson played in founding the country. Because he considered himself a deist and wanted the seperation of church and state. They would also like to say that the founding fathers created this country using Christian principles. Here is a quote from their proposal,"References to Ralph Nader and Ross Perot are proposed to be removed, while Stonewall Jackson, the Confederate general, is to be listed as a role model for effective leadership, and the ideas in Jefferson Davis’s inaugural address are to be laid side by side with Abraham Lincoln’s speeches." That's kind of frightening to me. They would also like to change the definition of our form of government from Democratic to Constitutional Republic. They want to remove the establishment clause that was used to outlaw school-sponsored prayer and affirm separation of church and state in the U.S. They wanted to remove any mention of a 1949 study that said you can't legally segregate schools for Mexican-American students. We can see why Texas wanted that gone because the practice was very popular in Texas for decades. But does that apply to the rest of the country?
Now why is this a problem? Why should we care about how Texas educates their children? Texas is the second largest textbook buyer in the country. The books they produce are frequently bought by other states including ours. So I can't just sit around and let them do this to our children's education. Some of their proposals aren't bad. But the way they want to eliminate parts of our country's history because it doesn't fit perfectly with their own brand of religious beliefs is just wrong. It's our history. You can't just erase that. My kids need to have their founding fathers intact so that they can see the diversity of the men who helped craft the Constitution. You can't change history. It happened. It's not like we're making great new strides in history like we do with science and math and law. This is history. Don't water down education we want for our kids more than it already is. This is history but more than that it's our history. We should be proud of it, not ashamed. We should own it, live up to it, as patriots of our country and it's diversity. That's why it was created, not because of religious persecution but because of persecution of all people whatever their beliefs. Leave it alone. Shame on the Texas School Board. This is akin to mental deprivation. I would even say it could be a form of abuse. Brainwashing.

Thanks for reading.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I'm Sorry

Ok, I know in my past blogs I wrote that I hate following a blog that doesn't get updated regularly. I havn't posted since we got back from Disneyland. Plus, this is the first post in May. How 'bout that weather, eh? And the Jazz? Ok. Now that's over with let's get down to business.
Cheryl has made me give up politics because it makes me too angry. I hate listening to people who claim to be bringing you information that just turns out to be sensationalism or flat out lies. The Birthers, for example, are a group who still insist President Obama wasn't born in the US and there really isn't anything you can do to convince them otherwise including showing them over and over Obama's birth certificate. Then there's "Obamacare" and "Obama's recession", etc. I can't take it. And people believe it! That's what really bothers me. I have said before research your candidates and the issues. Come to your own opinion about everything. Don't just listen to radio shows and news programs to get your information. Read the bills that are put out by congress. Inform yourself before going and blindly voting for something. But I don't want to make this a political post. As I write this I am making more and more mistakes because just thinking about it is getting to me. I just want to say this and I will be done with politics (at least for now): I am not a Republican, I am not a Democrat, I am not a Conservative, I am not a Liberal, I don't subscribe to any one political party, I don't listen to right wing radio shows and there aren't any left wing radio shows to listen to, I don't watch Fox News and I don't watch CNN, I am not a communist or a socialist (as much as some people would like to believe), I don't agree with everything Obama has done and I am very glad that Bush is gone. Just so none of you get any ideas about me or my beliefs. I would also like to throw out there that you can disagree with your church's political activities and still believe in the teachings that you get from said church. I disagree with the way the LDS church has handled some political issues in the state and others but that doesn't change my belief in the doctrine of the church. I just don't think ANY church should be involved in politics. It's just like parenting; you teach your kids the right things and give them the tools to make good decisions and then you send them out in the world and hope what you did stuck with them so that they can make those good decisions. You can't force them to make the decisions you want any more than the church should be a factor in law making. So there you go. If you want to know my opinion on anything particular email me and I will tell you about abortion, gay marriage, school funding, or whatever. I won't get into it here.
So for now I will be writing about other things that interest me. I will talk about vacations we are going to go on not because I want to keep you up to date on everything my family does but to give insight into small changes that might occur in the relationships between family members. I will talk about things that I find interesting like the way certain things strike my fancy. You see a different city when you ride Trax downtown or up to the U. I really enjoy that. You also see more things when you ride the bus because you don't have to concentrate on the road. I get a lot of reading done on the train and the bus. It's all for pleasure reading not school work or anything like that. I enjoy all of my comic books that I am currently reading. It will be things like that from now on.
So here is the first new topic for May; Cheryl's new hair style.
Say what you want but I think she looks good with no hair. It's interesting and different but she's still the love of my life. And if you read my last post she's still sexy. Everyone at her work said that she is their hero. She was the only girl at her work to shave her head. In the picture is Mary, the one with cancer. She is grateful for all the support that she's been given and she thought that Cheryl and the IT guys shaving their heads was great. She had a great time with it all. When Cheryl told me she did this I had to join the party. I don't have any pictures of me with no hair yet but I will post them when I get them. Check back for more pictures. I'll post them here.

Thanks for reading

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Supporting Your Friends

As I think I've posted before Cheryl's boss has breast cancer. She is already a survivor of a brain tumor. She was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She has had a mastectomy and is now going through chemo. As you all know, when you go through chemo you lose your hair. She has wigs but hates wearing them because they itch. It is just very uncomfortable for her. To help show support for her condition a few employees are going to shave their heads. They include the IT guys and Cheryl. She made the decision to shave her head. I told her I'd support her in this. We'll see how she looks when it's done. I think it's going to be kinda hot but that's just me.
So to help Cheryl with this decision I have found some pictures of sexy women with no hair. Let's get started.

This is a picure of someone that I don't know but she looks very good. No hair. You don't really notice until you make your way up to her head. She has a very pretty face. I don't think Cheryl will have a problem because she also has a very pretty face. She just won't have hair to cover it up.
Next up, one of my favorite actresses. She is pretty no matter what she does. She shaved her head for a movie (one of my favorites) V for Vendetta. She was hot in that movie. And she looks good with a shaved head. Very pretty. You're drawn into her eyes. They become the center of her face and the focal point. It's what I notice first. Cheryl has beautiful eyes and I hope she will bring them out and accent them when she does this.
I am kind of excited to see how this all turns out. I really don't think Cheryl will have a problem with her looks. If she feels nervous I hope that this helps. You are not beautiful because of your hair, your hair is beautiful because of you. If you have no hair, you are still beautiful (and sexy) so don't worry about it. It will be an interesting experiment for her. And if she doesn't like the look, the hair will grow back.
Love you Cheryl.


Thanks for reading

Monday, April 26, 2010

I'm back!


It's been a while since I wrote on here. I have had a busy week since I got back from Disneyland trying to catch up with everything since I left. So I've been trying to get back into the swing of things at work and at home. So I decided to write something today to keep everyone satisfied because as I've said before I hate it when there are large gaps between postings.
So I'll start by saying how awesome our trip was. It was so much fun. It's been 7 years since my family went. Jacob was 4 and Chaunie was 2. It had been 14 years since my dad had been. TJ and Mercedes have never been. It was fun. I got TJ on some rides that I thought he wouldn't get on like Indiana Jones (loved it), Splash Mountain (hated it), Tower of Terror (hated it), Star Tours (loved it), and a moving car on the ferris wheel (loved it). Sadie was a different story. She fought us on pretty much every ride we went on. Roger Rabbit, Indiana Jones, Star Tours, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, Snow White, Splash Mountain, the list goes on. She even started screaming,"I don't want to go!" when we were in line to go into Universal Studios. I have to say it was pretty funny. I could tell mom and dad were getting tired of it though. I had a great time as I usually do in Disneyland. It really is one of my top destinations for vacation. We stayed at a nice condo in Oceanside which is about an hour from Disney. We had to drive there everyday but it really wasn't that bad. We met up with Cheryl's sister Kathy and her family who happened to be there the same time we were for a wedding. It was a complete coincidence. We didn't plan a thing. So we did a couple things with them but not much. They weren't there as long as we were. And they didn't go to California Adventure which is what we did on the second day there.
So we Disneyland for 3 days and then we went to Universal Studios. That was cool but it's harder there to plan your day because all the shows are at such specific times. It's hard to show hop and hit the rides. We saw the Waterworld show which is always cool. We found a new attraction there that is a water playground outside and inside they have a bunch of air guns that shoot soft balls. The kids had a blast there. I don't know how long we were there but we lost track of time and had to hurry to the back lot tour. When we got on the tour we found out that a lot of the back lot was destroyed by fire including King Kong. Bummer. But they were rebuilding everything and next year they will have a new and much improved King Kong. Still pretty cool. Then we went on the Simpson's ride. It's where the Back to the Future ride used to be. I liked it but mom and dad had their fill of Simpsons while waiting to get on the ride. And Mercedes hated it. Then it was down to Jurrasic Park. The one ride at Universal Studios that I had been talking up to the kids the whole time. We walked right down onto the ride. It started out and we went through the first part of the ride. Then the second part starts and I start getting excited and showing the kids all the cool things that are about to happen. We come around the corner where the truck is pushed off the wall and splashes you. The truck starts it's descent and...WTF!? No splash. The dinosaurs that squirt water at you don't shoot hard enough to even reach you. Up into the building we go. OK, we still have the final drop to look forward to. Plus the raptors coming out at you and the T-Rex coming down from the ceiling. They slowed down the raptors so there is no jumping and the T-Rex doesn't come down anymore. It just sits at the same level too far away to be scary. Then the drop approaches. Please redeem yourself Jurrasic Park. The boat drops and...nothing. I didn't even get wet. What THE hell just happened? They dumbed down the ride. Why? They screwed it up. Oh well. So off to the Mummy ride. All I have to say about this ride is you just need to ride it. There really isn't an easy way to describe it. It was great though. My favorite ride there.
Then it was off to Seaworld. That was our last day in California. It was just a nice relaxing day filled mostly with looking at fish and watching shows. There were only 2 rides we went on. The only dissapointment I had with Seaworld was the Shamu show. They don't let you go down to the front row anymore so you don't really get that wet. We sat in the soak zone and didn't even get a drop. The tricks weren't that great either. The Dolphin show was closed because they were remodeling the stage for a new Dolphin show. Other than that it was fun. After Seaworld we went to Mission Beach and spent the rest of our day there watching the sun set and letting the kids play in the ocean. Perfect end to a perfect trip. It really couldn't have gone much better.
I hope my family will remember that trip when they are my age. I always remembered those family trips we took. Not just the ones we took to Disneyland but all of the family outings we had. Camping in the Uintas, the Wasatch Mountains, going to national parks, Moab, Lake Tahoe, etc. I want my kids to have the same kind of memories that I have. We will be doing some camping this year. Disneyland was our big trip for the next couple years. We can fill in the rest of the time with short trips here and there. We can have a lot of good quality family time. And we can have some fun with it too.

Thanks for reading.

Friday, April 9, 2010

The Time Has Come!






That's right folks, we are heading to Disneyland tomorrow morning. YEEHAW! We've been planning this trip for over a year now and it is finally time. I know I'm really excited and I don't know how well I'm going to be able to sleep tonight. I'm just a big kid. I love Disneyland. I don't care what anyone says but I believe it to be the happiest place on Earth. I love everything about it. I love the rides, the sights, the enormity of it all. I even love California Adventure (the stoning can now commence). I don't care what you say, I love it all.





This will be the first time for my little TJ to go to Disneyland. Jacob and Chauntay have been once before but they were 4 and 2 respectively when we went. I don't know how much they remember. They claim to remember a lot but we'll see when we get there. I am also excited because all of my kids should be big enough to go on all the rides. Jacob and Chaunie couldn't when we went before. That was a bummer. No Indiana Jones ride back then. But we've been filling their heads with all kinds of stories about Disneyland from the times we've been and I hope they are getting really excited to go too.





We are also going to Seaworld and Universal Studios. Not as exciting to me but still really fun. My kids have never been to Universal Studios but a couple years ago we all went to Seaworld for a couple days. That was fun. Chaunie I think had the most fun because of all the animals. She is an animal freak.







But I think I am most excited for my mom and dad because they haven't been to Disneyland for 12 or 13 years. A lot has changed since then. And I can't wait to see my dad act like a little kid with his grandkids. It will be hilarious. I just can't wait. Plus they really need a good vacation.





We get to stay on the beach in a three bedroom condo. It's a full condo so we have a kitchen and a living room, a couple bathrooms, pool, all the trimmings. Sure it's a ways from Disneyland and the other parks but to be able to stay in comfort, cook our own food, and save some money that way will more than make up for it. It's going to be great.





I'm sorry if I made anyone jealous that they don't get to go with us. But it is going to be awesome. Can't wait 'til tomorrow morning. Whoohoo!










Thanks for reading.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Regrets...


So my sisters want me to talk about how my life was changed when they were born so here is my blog Regrets. I'm just kidding girls. I must say that I don't really remember how my life changed when Tara was born because I was all of 2 years old. Sheena, I was 5, remember very little. Miranda, however, I was 10 and I can remember when she was born. I can remember coming home from school one day and there was a balloon tied to the railing at the top of the stairs. Mom was there to sit us down and give us the good news. I don't remember how I reacted but I did hope that I would be getting a brother. The pregnancy is a blur but I remember the day of her birth. We went to the hospital and I remember sitting in the waiting room playing with my color changing Toyota MR2 Hotwheel waiting for Miranda to show her face. Even though mom and dad had told us it was a girl I still had hope that the doctors were wrong and that she would be a boy. Dad came out and told us that she was born and to come say hi. I walked in the room and said,"boy or girl?" Mom said girl and I said,"no way." I had to be shown before I would believe that I was blessed by yet another sister. Now this isn't a regret because I went on to make sure she was fully a tom-boy so that I could pass her off as a brother. She was tough, liked video games, watched the same movies I liked and listened to the same music as I did. We shared a bedroom for a couple years until Dad finished the basement and Tara and Sheena moved downstairs and Miranda and I got our own rooms. Now to get to the part that is a regret. I started dating when I was 15. I went to my first dance when I was 15. From then on it was all about girls for me. I let slip my relationship with Miranda. Tara and Sheena never really had the same relationship with me because they were closer in age to me and had their own friends and their own things going on. Miranda I got to help raise. I changed her diaper, I helped feed her, I babysat her, I got her dressed and we played all the time. Chauntay reminds me a lot of how Miranda acted towards me. We were buddies. She even liked Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. She would rather play Legos with me than Barbies with the girls any day. And how rare was it in the early nineties for a girl to play video games that didn't involve My Little Pony? So my regret was that after the world of dating opened up to me I didn't hang around the house as much. I was going out on dates and staying out all night. I was gone all weekend and when I was home I was on the phone with girls for hours at a time. I didn't continue to cultivate our relationship and I think that helped to shape who she is today. I wish I would have made a better attempt to hang out with her more and maybe both of us wouldn't have gotten in trouble as much as we did.

So regrets. I don't have many of them but there are a few. I wish I could have served a mission. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and my family but if it weren't for Jacob coming around I might have been able to go on a mission. I know it was my choices that led to Jacob coming around and I regret missing that opportunity but I wouldn't give him up for the world. Cheryl and I have been married for almost 12 years now. We are happier now than we have been in a while. We have a great relationship. We support each other and we're there for each other. I love her more now than when we first got married. I don't regret getting married when we did. Under the circumstances it was the right decision. I had to step up and be responsible for my choices and I did. Our lives became one and we were now working toward making a family that would be raised right.

School is a regret I have. Not that I haven't been going to school but I wish I would have gone to school when I first applied. I wouldn't have forgotten everything I learned in high school. I wouldn't have had to take lower classes to catch up to where I needed to be. I could have been done much quicker. I also wouldn't have had to work at the hospital. I believe that this is where my problems with depression started. I was working with unhappy people that included the patients and staff. On top of that I started having back problems. I couldn't perform the job as well as I had at first and so the one person who I thought I could trust to work with went behind my back and complained about me. She actually lied about me to the supervisor to try and get rid of me from the unit. By the way, they were good friends so that was real fair to begin with. It didn't work. I got a slap on the wrist and I left for back surgery with no intention of going back to work there. After that surgery I was out of work for 8 months. My depression just got worse. I blame all of it on my choice to work at the hospital. I had hoped that working there would be a great stepping stone on my way to medical school and a career in medicine. Working there also changed my mind about my future in medicine. I don't want one now. There was too much in the way of politics going on there. I wanted to help people but in that environment you just can't. You can only do what you can do before the administration kicks them out on their ass and says good luck. So that was a regret.

I feel better now about my mental health. I'm not as angry as I used to be. I listen to less political talk radio now which helps. Politicians piss me off. I have many pills I have to take now that help me control myself. I don't regret much as I said before but my life's not over. I'm sure there will be plenty more for me to regret later on in life. After all, my kids aren't teenagers yet. I'll keep my fingers crossed.


Thanks for reading.