Left Behind

I've often wondered what my life would be like if my family was taken away from me. Call it morbid curiosity but that's just the way I think. Maybe I'm subconsciously preparing for the day if it were to ever come. It is a huge comfort to know that someday we will be a family again. I don't want to discount that. But how hard would it be to have to watch those left behind to struggle with finances, to deal with their grief, to try and carry on with their lives. This happens on a daily basis. People who go out the door in the morning and never come back. Sure it's hard to imagine, most of us probably think it would never happen to us. I've always thought that people who died "before their time" would somehow know. That they would have some inkling in the back of their mind that they would live a full life. That could just be my paranoia because I've had feelings like that before. There have been times where, when thinking about my future, I would get this feeling that I wouldn't have to worry about it. That something would happen to take care of it. I don't have any rich family so it's not an inheritance that I'm going to be getting. My future is still up in the air. With bills and student loans I don't know when I'll graduate. Maybe that's what my feelings are all about, that I should just work a menial job all my life instead of doing what really makes me happy or keeps me interested. Or maybe I will die early and all this paranoid thinking about inklings is really true.

I don't need to sit here and talk about how devastated I'd be if I lost my family, even one member of my family. But how would I feel knowing I left them here to fend for themselves?

I make Cheryl nervous because of the things that I like doing. Mountain biking, motorcycles, etc. are all dangerous and could get me seriously hurt of killed. I've always had the thinking that living life safe is not living life. I'm not saying to take unnecessary risks but I think everyone should experience the freedom of riding a motorcycle. And not a small motorcycle that can only do 35 mph. Get out on the freeway and gun it up to 90 and see how you feel. The rush and adrenaline are amazing and addictive. I wager that it is nigh impossible to feel bad while riding a motorcycle. It should be prescribed to depressed people. I've only driven 2 motorcycles and 2 scooters in my life but that's all the experience I needed. I'm sold.

You know that pain you get in the front of your head when your kids call you at work to tell you that they're hitting each other? Gone when you get on a motorcycle.

Yes I understand the risks associated with a motorcycle. As my dad likes to remind me it's not if you get hit it's when. My aunt and uncle were in a accident riding their Harley and my aunt almost lost her foot. She'll have problems the rest of her life. 4,376 people were killed on motorcycles in 2010. That may seem high but in that same time 32,708 people were killed in car accidents. 65% of all deaths not caused by natural causes happen in the home. I'll take my chances. I'll live without fear. I won't worry about those I may leave behind because I know they'll be taken care of. I've made sure of that. They will probably be better off financially then when I'm alive. I really am worth more dead than alive. Ouch.

I don't feel fulfilled.

I am once again having some issues with my Sunday religious activities. I don't know why but I am starting to feel really disenfranchised with the whole Sunday school thing. Here's what I mean: when sitting in said class I want to have a discussion. Not about what you did at girl's camp, scout camp, or how you were driving along and the spirit told you to turn before you normally do and you found out later that you missed a car accident. Good for you. I want to discuss the more philosophical points that religion brings up. I have been a member my whole life. I get bored hearing the same lessons over and over because the teachers are too lazy to come up with a new and creative way to teach a topic. I'm not saying I know everything there is to know about the LDS church, what I am saying is I keep hearing the same lessons week after week and that stereotypical seminary answer of read your scriptures and pray seems to apply to a lot of the questions that are asked. Last week in elders quorum the subject of speaking out against legislation that we find morally wrong came up. That's fine, whatever. My problem with that is we want to legislate morals. The only way to do that is to tread on the rights of others. Abortion, gay marriage, foreign wars, health care reform, just pick a hot button issue, no matter what the laws are you are going to infringe on others beliefs. So how do we fix this? We give everyone the choice to choose what they believe to be right. That's where I want the discussion in church to come in. We can do what we believe at that point but to take away that choice I have a problem with. 11th article of faith: "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may." This is one of our fundamental beliefs. And no one thought to mention it. I have a history of ticking people off when I bring my opinions and thoughts to a religious discussion so I keep quiet in church. Maybe I should speak up. That could be interesting.

But this is more what I think Sunday school should be, a debate of what the scriptures mean, what the idea of a higher being means, what is morally right, what are the ramifications of our actions not just to ourselves but those around us. Those are things the elders of the church when it was formed would discuss. Not because they were trying to form a religion based on the thoughts of man but because they were trying to understand what had been put on their shoulders as priesthood holders. Any religion requires more than the ability to read the scripture. It needs to be interpreted by people who are educated in history, philosophy, ancient customs and traditions. Anyone who's read the Bible knows that it is a very difficult book to read. It is very easy to misinterpret what is written. Having the knowledge that the Bible was translated over and over and things were left out and other things added, plus they were written down from oral records that were already a hundred years old or more when they were written down, and the fact that they come from societies that are vastly different from ours makes it a little easier to understand why this knowledge needs to be possessed by those who are teaching it. We have to have that understanding or else we are just making it up as we go.

We have an advantage having a living prophet who is there for us to learn from. I am grateful that we have the teachings of the prophets books that are used as manuals. But with those it comes down to presentation. Let's have a little excitement people. Let's present something that we've actually put some time and effort into, something that you learned from the lesson. It's not that hard.

Maybe I'm asking too much. Let me simplify this. I want a discussion about not just the lesson but I want it to go in a more academic direction, if that makes sense. And I want it presented in a way that you keep my attention. If you don't keep my attention I'm going to be reading my comic books in church instead of listening to you drone on about how He sacrificed for our sins and loves us all and you need to repent to live in heaven again and you should love your family and remember to keep Christ in your heart at all times and go to the temple to receive blessings and pay your tithing and do your home and visiting teaching and love one another etc. etc. ad nauseum. Please give me something I can grasp onto. I'm at the point where I might just stop going to classes because I really don't get anything from them.