Left Behind

I've often wondered what my life would be like if my family was taken away from me. Call it morbid curiosity but that's just the way I think. Maybe I'm subconsciously preparing for the day if it were to ever come. It is a huge comfort to know that someday we will be a family again. I don't want to discount that. But how hard would it be to have to watch those left behind to struggle with finances, to deal with their grief, to try and carry on with their lives. This happens on a daily basis. People who go out the door in the morning and never come back. Sure it's hard to imagine, most of us probably think it would never happen to us. I've always thought that people who died "before their time" would somehow know. That they would have some inkling in the back of their mind that they would live a full life. That could just be my paranoia because I've had feelings like that before. There have been times where, when thinking about my future, I would get this feeling that I wouldn't have to worry about it. That something would happen to take care of it. I don't have any rich family so it's not an inheritance that I'm going to be getting. My future is still up in the air. With bills and student loans I don't know when I'll graduate. Maybe that's what my feelings are all about, that I should just work a menial job all my life instead of doing what really makes me happy or keeps me interested. Or maybe I will die early and all this paranoid thinking about inklings is really true.

I don't need to sit here and talk about how devastated I'd be if I lost my family, even one member of my family. But how would I feel knowing I left them here to fend for themselves?

I make Cheryl nervous because of the things that I like doing. Mountain biking, motorcycles, etc. are all dangerous and could get me seriously hurt of killed. I've always had the thinking that living life safe is not living life. I'm not saying to take unnecessary risks but I think everyone should experience the freedom of riding a motorcycle. And not a small motorcycle that can only do 35 mph. Get out on the freeway and gun it up to 90 and see how you feel. The rush and adrenaline are amazing and addictive. I wager that it is nigh impossible to feel bad while riding a motorcycle. It should be prescribed to depressed people. I've only driven 2 motorcycles and 2 scooters in my life but that's all the experience I needed. I'm sold.

You know that pain you get in the front of your head when your kids call you at work to tell you that they're hitting each other? Gone when you get on a motorcycle.

Yes I understand the risks associated with a motorcycle. As my dad likes to remind me it's not if you get hit it's when. My aunt and uncle were in a accident riding their Harley and my aunt almost lost her foot. She'll have problems the rest of her life. 4,376 people were killed on motorcycles in 2010. That may seem high but in that same time 32,708 people were killed in car accidents. 65% of all deaths not caused by natural causes happen in the home. I'll take my chances. I'll live without fear. I won't worry about those I may leave behind because I know they'll be taken care of. I've made sure of that. They will probably be better off financially then when I'm alive. I really am worth more dead than alive. Ouch.